So often, so many of us feel stuck and unlike ourselves that even thinking about healing feels nearly impossible. But I want you to know that getting un-stuck and finding peace is possible.
What keeps us stuck is what we hold on to and the things we keep close to our hearts to shield us from pain. All of the maybes and the versions of truth that we hold close to protect us, no longer serve us, they keep us stuck. We hold on to stories about how we have hurt someone else, why we got hurt or why we hurt ourselves, merely for emotional protection. Neuroscience has proven this to be true: our brain actually gets stuck in protecting us long after our hurt is over. Our brain can be easily convinced that hurt means danger and therefore it rushes to our defenses. To keep us safe, our brain goes into Flight, Fight, or Freeze and then any time something happens that reminds us of our hurt, we go right back into protection mode.
Our brain doesn't know or care if the danger or threat of harm is real or perceived, it acts anyways to shield us and keep us safe. So, fleeing, fighting or freezing is a physiological trauma response. But, we were not made to be constantly living in this state. Sometimes, our brain needs a reminder it is safe, and when we activate a different part of our brain in these moments, the pre-frontal cortex, we can actually train our brain to settle us when it perceives a threat that is not real. For example, when we are reminded of a scary thing that happened to us, simply the act of remembering can send us into this alarm state, but we can train our brain to move out of this state quite quickly with some practice.
The thing about trauma is that is confuses space and time. So, to get unstuck in the face of it there are 4 key things we can do to help us move through our trauma response:
First we need to feel and identify what is happening for us. As some therapist say: we must name it to 'tame' it. In order to move past things, we have to let them move through us, and feeling is the first step.
The second thing we can do is re-orient ourselves to the present. Remember, trauma messes with our sense of time and space, and reminding ourselves of the present moment and grounding our thoughts to the now helps us turndown the threat detector.
Next, when we are simply triggered, and not experiencing real danger, we must remind ourselves that we are safe. Say it our loud, repeat it in your head. You are safe.
Lastly, ask yourself what you are needing and make a plan to meet that need. Is it a hug, a good cry, a long walk? Finding ways to release the energy the bodies build up in heightened states is so helpful in calming our nervous system and again training our brain to move past the immobilization of trauma..
Getting stuck happens when we feel threatened and hurt, which is based on own perception. And to protect us, our brain either mobilizes or immobilizes us by sending us into Fight, Flight, or Freeze. But we have to move through these stress responses if we want to heal. The only way to heal is to move forward; move forward imperfectly, in tiny steps and I promise you will heal.
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